Archives for posts with tag: job

Midnight_city

I’m currently listening to one of my favorite Pump Up songs; Midnight City by M83. Let me just note that I understand how basic that makes me sound for telling you that I have a Pump Up song, but seriously, I feel like everyone should have a Pump Up song. Now, Midnight City is one of many Pump Up songs I have. (I’ll stop saying Pump Up) But I love this song because it gets me excited about life. It’s like when R.Kelly’s Ignition Remix comes on at a party and everyone feels this inexplicable and embarrassing need to get up and dance and explicitly shout, “After the party, it’s the hotel lobby!” It gets me energized and whenever I hear it, I feel like I’m on a stage and people are cheering and I’ve just accomplished some major feat. This song was particularly special to me when I auditioned for the role of presenter for my college’s Ad Team. I auditioned, got the part, and I remember listening to this song on repeat when I pictured what it’d be like up there, in front of judges and an audience. It was something I had never done before. My point is, this song has been making quite a comeback lately. Let me explain why.

The last time I posted to this blog was a few months before I left my first internship. That was a little less than two years ago. If you don’t want to scroll down through my previous posts, a word to sum up the emotions, feelings, and explanations that were in those posts would be escape. It was the beginning of my career. I scored a great first internship at a startup data company and I was their social media intern. The internship progressed and they kept renewing my position there and eventually my role got solidified there. But here is the clinger: It was a great first internship. I wanted more. I wanted to learn more, see more, do more, and while I am forever grateful for that opportunity that catapulted me into so many more, I knew I had to leave. I knew I had to escape. And, well, I did.

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Fast forward to almost two years later – I went through a series of internships, part-time jobs, and finally landed a full-time position at CBS Altitude Group. It was probably the craziest two years of my life. I left my first internship and just jumped. Two weeks after I quit, I started my second internship at Seventeen Magazine. I was seriously debating saying something like, “and Seventeen taught me so much!” But I’m not exactly sure what FETCHING ENERGY BARS FROM A GNC IN FREEZING WEATHER WILL TEACH ME. I’m not bitter, right? My childhood dreams of working at the magazine publication that helped me with understanding puberty and college and boys shattered right in front of my eyes. I left on bad terms because I quit the internship a week early, unsatisfied and deeply disappointed with what I was learning, or in this case, what I wasn’t learning. Life works in such mysterious ways. Lesson learned, and on to the next one (HOV style) I went.

This is where things really got interesting. (And by really interesting, I mean please stay) I had an internship lined up for the next semester at CBS Altitude Group as a Strategic Marketing Intern. At 21 years old, or really any age, being offered an opportunity to work at CBS is mindblowing. And not like, “of course they’d hire me. I’m the shit.” mindblowing. More like a, “I’m going to shit myself because I thought only people like that really rich kid in my class with connections to his dad gets this kind of stuff” mindblowing. I’m from Rockland County, dude. Shit like this doesn’t happen every day. I worked at J.Crew over my last winter break of college to save up money for another unpaid internship and I accepted. It was the greatest internship. It was there that I found my groove as an aspiring marketing professional. It was there that I found what I enjoyed doing. And it was there that I understood my worth and my place. I finally saw a career path.

The internship ended about two weeks before I graduated from Pace University. That day was full of divorced parents being awkward with each other and my grandmother being disappointed that my fellow graduates didn’t throw their hats up when it ended because sorority girls decorate them with obnoxious jewels, but it was a beautiful day. It was a beautiful day before reality hit. I didn’t have job lined up and I was broke.

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It was a race to find a job because I knew my parents couldn’t support me for much longer. I was interviewing with Indeed.com for a sales position in Connecticut. I went on four interviews just for me to realize that I did not want to do sales or cold-calling, and I did not want to travel to Connecticut every day. I moved on and went to temp at a creative production agency that specialzed in creating campaigns for beauty and make-up products. I honestly have no idea if I got that explanation right. But, I had worked with them before at my first internship and reached out to see what they were up to. I temped, and left about two weeks later when I realized they needed an assistant rather than a marketing person.

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Now, I know you must be thinking that I’m being ungrateful and picky and that I should take whatever I can get. I know. Trust me, I thought about that. I thought that I should just suck it up and accept whatever was given to me. But I didn’t. Life isn’t meant to be lived that way, in any capacity. It could, but I’m on a path to follow my dreams and as corny as that may sound, holding out for something better was the best decision I ever made. Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith.

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After about two months of unsuccessful emailing and resume-sending (not a phrase but I’m going with it), I felt like that leap of faith was turning into a jump to my demise. Until I read this incredible fucking book called “Oprah.” I’m kidding. Though, Oprah is a lady boss. I read this book called, “The Power of Who” by Bob Beaudine, a nationally recognized recruiter. If you are reading this and are a college graduate or just someone who is looking for a job, READ that book. It will change your life. The book enabled me to get in contact with CBS Altitude Group again and ask them if they knew of anyone within CBS who could hire me. Well, they did. I interviewed with CBS Television through my old boss, and had an informational interview with my favorite social agency, Likeable Media, through a contact I made while interning at CBS.

Likeable Media wasn’t hiring at the time, unfortunately. But, I did end up having three successful interviews with CBS Television and when I realized that I might be hired, CBS Altitude Group reached out to me and offered me a full-time position. This was a WTF moment. I was torn. But I accepted the position at CBS Altitude Group and started work there end of July 2014. At the end of January, I will have been there for six months. I could finally breathe. Life is good.

And while life is pretty damn good at the moment, the ambition inside of me is asking, “so what’s next?” I’m not quite sure, but I have some ideas and this is what this blog is all about. I want to take you through my journey of self-discovery, but mostly, career self-discovery. It’s so fucking hard for a college graduate to get a job. It’s a struggle, and then you get the job and there’s a learning curve and everyone is so much smarter and you feel less competent and then there’s this self-pity that sets in because you’re not Mark Zuckerberg but you’re at a job so that’s good enough, right? Let’s figure that out together. I want to share my insights, talk with you, discuss my day-to-day, your dreams, my dreams, what drives us, etc. I’m at a time in my life where I feel like Midnight City by M83 is playing almost every day. Career wise, though. Let’s not get my personal life twisted. We’d be here until 2245. I’m just saying that I’m a kid playing in the big leagues in the greatest city in the world (Parisians, back up) and it’s a pretty fucking cool experience. I just want to vent to you, dammit!

We’ll vent about my new Shark Tank idea of creating an in-office coffee IV. Next time, on Serial.

Kidding. (But not kidding because one of yous would definitely patent that shit)

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You guys guessed it. Work sucks!

Therefore, to combat the eternal boredom that I feel almost daily at this job, I like to walk.

Lately, though, it’s been so hot you just start sticking to shit that I’ve refrained from leaving my office and found tranquility by going in the office kitchen and doing a secret stress-relieving dance, (will not put up video for you), however, today’s weather decided to throw us a bone so I went for a walk.

I’m not really a person of experimentation. Old habits die hard with me. Except for alcohol. That, my friends, is always a challenge to see how far I can push my limit between the gaps of “I’m just tipsy” and “Wake that bitch up”, aka, my friends are trying to revive me because I’m passed out drunk in a diner at 4 am. (Okay, so that habit is actually pretty stable). But, I usually have a plan before I set out to do anything. Even something as simple as a little stroll outside my office perimeters. However, lately I’ve been on a “no fucks given” spree and just got up from my desk, grabbed my purse and went for a walk with no idea of where I was going in mind.

Instead of walking where the people were, I walked away from them. Kind of like when a native New Yorker sees Times Square and just starts running in the opposite direction. I just walked, and literally walked to wherever my heart desired. There were so many times where I would stop myself in my tracks and be like, “I should turn around and go back to the office”, but I didn’t, and I’d walk and then discover something new. I’d stop again, look back, convince myself to keep going, and then I’d discover something even cooler than before.

Along the way, I had found my future Carrie Bradshaw brownstone, a coffee-shop that was hidden and so unpopulated that it made me want to just start a book and escape there and a wine shop with such an intricate storefront display that I’d be willing to go in there and listen to some hipster explain the process of wine-making to me. I also came across so many dogs that I quietly squealed at and scared the shit out of the owners when it looked like I was about to dognap them, smiling people, quiet and then loud, pieces of conversations, and then I came across something so worthwhile.

I came across myself, that self that had been missing for a bit.

That self that wasn’t scared of risk, always sought change, and just went with the flow.

As I kept walking, I noticed how much stronger my stride and strut was the farther I got away from my office. I was happier, more confident, more relaxed, and just more of who I was. And when I kept coming across new blocks and street names that left me in awe, it’s like some force of nature was trying to tell me that going out of your comfort zone is not a bad thing, but something worth exploring. Literally.

In these recent weeks, I have thought so long and hard about leaving my internship. I leave the workday so unsatisfied, completely aware that I am not reaching my fullest potential here. But I had a plan, you see. Graduate, get the full-time job at a start-up that was about to hit break-even point, save up enough in a 2-3 year span, quit and do something I like. However, I did not foresee myself becoming so unhappy that I literally dread stepping foot into this office everyday. Therefore, it is my time to leave. And this walk, this walk of essentially “Nirvana”, proved that I shouldn’t be afraid to leave what I know. Because, guess what? If you head into the realm of the unknown, even for just a moment, you’ll discover things that were never made visible to you before.

I had been waiting for some time for a sign to let me know that it’d be okay to leave here, to abandon the post-grad plans that I had for so long, and that was it. Disapproval from my parents is something that is expected, but it seriously burdened me knowing that they would not understand my reasoning for wanting to leave. And now I’m just kind of like, this is my life, I DO WHAT I WANT. Kind of proud of that. Yuck, getting teary eyed. Seriously, I am the worst person with emotions. I cry in private so often, it’s pathetic. But if you cry in front of me, or like want to talk about something serious, I will laugh. It’s awful. Therefore, silently tearing by myself and none of you will ever see my break down. Because I’ll giggle and pretend like it never happened. But it did. Shh.

Any who, (Seriously, who the fuck says any who?), I know I posted yesterday already and I usually wait lightyears in between my postings, but I had to get this off my chest because I’m so ridiculously happy right now. As a matter of fact, right after work I’m going back around that spot to see if I can travel even farther. Even a block further beyond my imagination can do wonders.

Slow down you crazy child, you’re so ambitious for a juvenile. But then if you’re smart, tell me why are you still so afraid?

These lyrics, y’all.

Vienna by Billy Joel has never resonated so much with me until I recently revisited my obsession with this incredible artist. I used to just enjoy this song, not really understand the meaning behind the lyrics. I’d move with the melody being like, “Yeah, you go girl, Vienna”, not really grasping the fact that this song is about a youngin’ getting way too ahead of themselves, not realizing that there is no need to rush this life; Vienna will come for you and that “coming” is the rest of your life.

Because of the collapsed market, because of our need to innovate, because of our desire to jump the gun, millenials have learned that being only one step ahead of the game is not enough if you want to make some type of impact in this world. We’ve programmed our bodies and minds to be flexible when it comes to change and work. I’d like to call us robots, but I can’t just yet because we still possess the need to ask mom and dad for a few bucks every now and then. However, there’s the problem. And you could totally disagree with me, though you shouldn’t because I’m pretty fucking smart, (Kidding, I once got kicked out of a classroom my Freshman year) but when will our generation just learn that sometimes it’s okay to take a step back, and notice what’s right there in front of us? Our fading youth.

“You have four years to be irresponsible here. Relax. Work is for people with jobs. You’ll never remember class time, but you’ll remember time you wasted hanging out with your friends. So, stay out late. Go out on a Tuesday with your friends when you have a paper due Wednesday. Spend money you don’t have. Drink ’til sunrise. The work never ends, but college does…” This is possibly one of my favorite quotes said by Tom Petty. “The work never ends, but college does.” This line, short and sweet, really captures the gist of it all. College, an experience that years ago I was so amped for, has turned into a full-time job. With a commute that is emotionally and physically draining, a fully loaded business school schedule with so much group-course work I think I’ve met half the school already, and an almost full-time internship that emails you post-weekday hours, you’d think I have no time to breathe. I don’t. And I’ve still got one more year to finish out my college career without possibly going insane. (Check back with me in a year to see if I haven’t landed a role in the remake of One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest)

Slow down, you’re doing fine. You can’t be everything you want to be before your time.

Remember when college was all about self discovery and having fun? Yeah, me neither. The school I go to has students running in and out of the building doors heading to internships, jobs, networking meetings, interviews, etc. Sometimes, I’m just like, “Can we all just sit in the cafeteria and eat while laughing at people we don’t like?” (Don’t worry, we make fun of mean people). But no, no one has the damn time for that, and that is some useful bonding time, folks!

What’s funny about this entire race to the finish line is that I’m totally running alongside everyone else. I’m not that hipster that refuses to join in on the latest trend, mostly because this isn’t a trend, this is a lifestyle at this point, and besides, I hate hipster clothing. But seriously, I’m essentially complaining about this in this post, but I’m doing it.

I’m not realizing that this is the time for me to just be a kid, before I’m really forced to just be an adult and pay for rent on my own and like, cook full meals and shit. (Yes, you Instagram foodies, spinach and your plastic meat don’t count) I need to realize that I’m pretty okay at this point and that I should slow down. I am not going to get to my goal any faster by adding more shit to my plate that leaves room for nothing else, especially my sanity. I’m young, capable, and willing, therefore, I can do whatever. There IS time. There is ALWAYS time. I will amount to something, whether it’s next year or 20 years from now. I’m going to get there and you know why? Because life doesn’t stop for anyone. Time races, and if I spend so much time worrying about the future, I’ll never enjoy the present. And you know when your parents whine to you about how they wish they would have enjoyed their youth more because now their backs hurt basically? Well, yeah, listen to that shit.

But here’s the silver lining, I’m coming to this realization now and so can you. I’ll go out after work, ignore the emails my boss sends me after 5 pm (probably not a good idea but YOLO), hangout with my friends or family, make plans, keep in contact with friends that I fear losing, dream, laugh, try not to think so much about the future, and just live. Let’s learn to not be paralyzed by the thought of the future, and just live in the present. The future will come eventually, just like death, therefore, there’s no need to worry so much about it. Ask older people and trust them when they say, “it’s coming.”

It’s alright, you can afford to lose a day or two.

Before I began writing this post, which took so long and I apologize for the wait my awesome followers (mom and dad), I looked up what the actual meaning of Vienna was, Billy Joel’s interpretation. In a July 2008 New York Times article, Joel revealed the story behind the melody. He was visiting his father in Vienna and while walking around town, he noticed this elderly woman sweeping the streets. Confused as to why a woman of her age was doing such a laborious job, his father interjected, “She’s got a job, she feels useful, she’s happy, she’s making the street clean, she’s not put out to pasture.” Stunned by his father’s response, he quickly retreated back to reality, realizing that old people still have a place in this world, even at such an age. His inspiration came from the fact that we shouldn’t fret about growing old, because we’ll still have purpose and use and meaning, and we’ll have Vienna.

When will you realize Vienna waits for you?

I won’t even say it.

I won’t.

I refuse.

Shit…

It’s Monday.

Literally, why? Just why? Why would you do such a thing to us, Monday? What did we ever do to you? I believe people are generally good at heart, therefore, why would you wrong us when we have essentially done no wrong to you? We’re the good ones. Go attack those bastards on Wall Street, not the almost college graduate just trying to pay for her car insurance every month. I’m trying, dammit.

Alright, I get it, I forgive you, considering you are nothing tangible, therefore, I can’t exactly strangle you. All I can do is wake up every Monday morning (God willingly), stare up at the ceiling as if you’re posted to it and just glare at you with such disdain. Oh, it works, people, try it.

Last night, I had an interesting conversation with a friend that I wish to share with you all. Don’t worry, it was a guy, so we weren’t discussing my menstrual cycle or my exes. Seriously, girls, we need better topics of conversation. Anyway, this friend of mine is extremely wealthy. He’s the type of person who enjoys discussing how incredible his life is, because, you know, acting like life is an eternal journey of constant clubbing and discovering yourself while at ULTRA in Miami, post 35 years old, will definitely help you achieve Nirvana.

He’s usually a bore to talk to. Surprisingly, hearing about how someone gets wasted every night on $15 red bull and vodkas is not interesting. Go figure! However, my little green monster unfortunately escapes me whenever I see him post ridiculous photos on Instagram, and then he adds some cool filter and you’re just like, “really? No, no filter. At least make it look somewhat life-like for us average folks.” It’s photos of his house, his multitude of what I call “dick cars” (cars that are awesome to make up for the fact that you probably have nothing below to show for it) his endless vacations to Miami, Puerto Rico, awesome-fucking island, etc., and then the many nights of clubbing with beautiful women.

I hate that when I talk to him or anyone else with that kind of wealth, I get a bit envious. Now, it’s not like I grew up in the hood with Kanye. I’ve always lived in the suburbs, probably considered upper middle class, had a playground, an above ground pool, three car garage, wait a minute, I was actually pretty well off. But I also wasn’t buying from Chanel and Prada like it was no big deal. I wanted to, though. I mean, isn’t it every child’s dream to be better off than their parents? Or at least a parent’s dream? My parents always taught my brothers and I that. Therefore, I promised myself that I’d make enough when I was older to never have to worry and of course, give back.

Our conversation went as it usually did. The awkward, “hey, whatcha been up to?” and you’re just like, “I’m not Barack Obama. My life has been pretty consistent these days, but sure, I guess things have changed.” However, something happened. He became…human. Our back and forth bantering went from something so casual to something of actual substance. He spoke about how stressful it is to work with his parents at their packaged food corporation, and how easy it would be if he could just let go of them and be on his own. At first, I was rolling my eyes. Stop complaining, kid; you have mommy and daddy fully supporting you while you get to go to work and do whatever you’d like, at any time, and not do anything you don’t like. However, I pretended to sympathize and act like I understood these #richkidproblems. I told him how I didn’t exactly enjoy working at the startup I’m at, but it’s a company with so much potential and opportunity for growth, aka, I’m staying for the financial benefits to come.

Just when I thought he’d agree with my decision to stay for money and we’d have some type of like bro-high-five (Do you men do that? please stop), because hey, he’s affluent and pretty boastful, he said, “Yeah, I know, but at the end of the day it’s not about the money, money will always come and go…doing something you love and makes you happy is what’s important.” (Picks up jaw)

Dude came straight out of a tumblr post. Instead of empowering me, he humbled me. I sat back for a second and thought, wow, he’s right. Money will come and go, and when it goes, will you still be happy? I can’t say that, if I stay here and make enough money to not worry about $14 cocktails. Where do we draw the line? Are we on the pursuit of happiness or the pursuit of money that may bring us to happiness? Does the latter ever happen, though?

I don’t know, I really don’t. I haven’t even found what I have a passion for, therefore, how could I really know? Are you over 25 and know? Are you over 35 and know? Are you over 65 and know? Check out Jane Fonda. She is 75 and looks absolutely incredible. In an interview she recently had, she explained how she’s finally hit that lightbulb moment in her life; How she doesn’t miss being in her twenties, because she’s finally content with where she’s at now. At 75. She’s also very wealthy, however, that’s not why she’s happy. It’s got so much more to do with her finally finding something, whether that be inner peace, love, a wonderful extracurricular activity that we don’t know about, etc. Will we all have to be 75? Or do the majority of us feed off of being 37 and rich, not seeing that being 75 and internally happy has so much more weight to it?

Maybe. I guess what I can say to all of this and that conversation and to you, guys, is that this life is too short to not be doing something you love to do. I sit at this 9-5 and there are days when I’m like wow, I can’t even bear another day, and then other times when I find out I’m going to Dublin and London, I’m like, I love this place, look at all the daisies blossoming out of the hardwood floor! I’m still young and stupid, okay? But we’re all young and stupid, at heart, at least. That’s why I’m still sitting in this comfy rolling chair, still doing work, still commuting three hours everyday to prove my worth to them. But for what? When will I learn, I ask myself. Maybe never. Maybe in the next year or two.

So here’s a question to you guys, have you learned?