It’s Tuesday.  I feel like Tuesdays are the new Mondays.  We’ve learned how to embrace Monday.  It’s dreaded, the office secretly hates each other that day, but we’ve come to terms with delaying the inevitable so we cope.  However, Tuesdays are just awful.  Why do you exist?  Hump Day is exciting, Thursday is the best tease and then, Friday, well Friday is Friday.  Tuesday’s just like, “I feel neglected in your weekly schedule so I’m just going to straight ruin your week.”  I just realized I wrote a paragraph on how bad work week Tuesdays are.  Clearly, this youngin’ has not quite yet become accustomed to the 9-5.

It’s funny, though, because you’d think that I’d be so excited to get a proposal for a full-time job as a student/intern entering my senior year of college.  However, I just feel “ehh” at this point. Ehh.  You know?  It’s that pretty indifferent feeling.  And it’s not like I am not thankful.  Oh, I’m extremely grateful and fortunate because I understand life after graduation is no walk in the park.  But, I just feel like, (drumroll) I’m not doing something I’m passionate about.

How many times have you heard that from your friends, family, significant other?  “I’m not doing what I want.”  I’ve heard that too many times, from way too many different people, and what I’ve gathered is that the majority of us are pretty unhappy with where we are in life, in terms of careers, relationships, personal growth, etc.  I hear their stories, their complaints, the draw in their voices, and I get scared. What if that’s me?  What if I turn into that?  Okay, so let’s solve the problem.  Start doing what you love, Amanda.  Oh, here’s a little zinger.  I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE HELL I WANT TO DO IN THIS CRAZY LIFE.

Therefore, I go to work.  I breathe.  I dabble in a few extracurricular activities that excite me (Amanda, volunteering once a year doesn’t count), and I hope that somewhere along the way, my passion will just appear right in front of me and I’ll notice and hang on to it till the day I die.  Life doesn’t span out like that, does it?  I’m being serious, though, does it?  Have any of you, possibly older than me, younger, around my age, have you found your calling in life?  And if you are the the few privileged who have, how did it happen?  I don’t even know you, and I’m jealous.

I remember wanting to be a writer for so long when I was much younger.  I didn’t know what to write, what type of industry just writing “how I felt” fell into, or how I’d get started, I just knew that writing was something I enjoyed doing.  I’d write poems, short stories, started an amateur blog on Tumblr voicing my embarrassing emotions about an ex boyfriend, and I was pretty convinced I loved it.  I grew discouraged, though, when I saw how difficult it was to be successful in that type of industry.  I figured I’d have better luck in marketing.  And that’s where I am.  And hear me out; marketing is so interesting. But the odd fact that dogs primarily see in black and white is interesting, too.  It doesn’t mean I want to study why dogs are colorblind.

You get me?  What if I never find my passion?  My goal, at this very moment, is to financially benefit from the growing success of this start-up.  They are an incredible company about to hit that break-even point, and I want to be there.  And I probably will be, as long as I don’t blow up the coffee machine.  And once they do, I want to essentially “cash-out” and do something that is of more interest to me.  Is that horrible?  I kind of cringed when I typed, “cash-out.”  But I can’t see myself here forever.  I’ll sacrifice for a few years, until I’m stable enough to move on and begin doing something that inspires me.  That’s my plan.  Will it work?  I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.  We’ll hold our breath for a minimum of 5 years, and if we exceed those 5 years, then we’re dead.  (That was punny)

Alright, enough sap for the day.  Plus, my boss is probably wondering why I’m typing so frantically and no actual work is being generated.  But then again, I also have like 5 useless internet tabs open right now that if someone were to come by my spot unexpectedly,  I’d argue that a ghost took over my computer.  And then nervously click out of Spotify. (Body Party by Ciara is probably not the most appropriate work theme song)

I’ll see you guys next time!  And remember that it’s almost 5PM and I’m right there with you silently celebrating in our wishful hearts.

Advertisements